Well, leaping lizards! Congratulations on the marriage of the Sorry sisters to an entire men’s bowling league. This sister act from Nebraska doesn’t lose a wink of sleep over such “societal norms” as “conventional beauty” or “taste in clothing,” and they’re all the more redundant for it! Meanwhile, back in Pennsylvania Dutch country, the backwoodz boyz are all fancied up and ready for a good old fashioned game of “snake in the outhouse.” And don’t forget, y’all—the reception’s being held on the scenic shores of Lake Sad Times Ahead!
Thank goodness the photographer had the good sense to turn down the gravity a little, so as to subtly draw the viewer’s eye away from the bride, and toward anything else.
I’ll just start off by saying that I wish all straight weddings floated quite like this one. But unfortunately we may never know what the gay wanna-be fashion photographer shouted at Troupe Boring to make them raise their hands and jump like the Pointer Sisters. In the meantime I’ll sit and marvel at the Groom’s enchantingly flat-footed Dick Van Dyke jump, which he must have self-consciously perfected on putting greens all over the country before his “big day.” Also, how convenient that these lovebirds got married in a generic urban industrial waste-dump, so that their clichéd personalities could shine like Penelope Cruz and Halle Berry in Gothika. I just love it when Bride & Groom decide on their wedding day to use the futuristic technology of Vague Metropolitan Snapshottery to pretend like they led exciting lives “downtown” before they got married.
Now we can all enjoy the vague, happy memories of jumping in place currently reserved for those who can legally wed.
Tags: "Snake in the Outhouse", Air Weddings, Backwoodz Boyz, Best of...Gothika, Dick Van Diesel Dyke, the Pointer Sisters, Vague Metropolitan Snapshottery, Wedding Photography Options, Who Are the Pennsylvania Dutch?
August 14, 2009 at 11:40 am |
[second picture]
check out the woman behind the bride. apparently she killed her date and is about to bash the bride’s head in with a stolen limb….
or maybe i’ve just been watching too much Desperate Housezombies.
August 14, 2009 at 11:48 am |
Thanks for the tip! Now we’re more terrified of straight people than ever!
August 14, 2009 at 5:24 pm |
This is how breeders try to make you feel better about the rights that you are denied–they take purposely asinine photos. See, weddings are stupid…you’re LUCKY you can’t have a legally-supported one, you privileged homosexuals!